Lake versus Sea

Italians have a real thing about lakes.
I mean, they like them and all. Kinda.
Not for vacation really.
Because they're just so inferior to the sea.
The main thing for Italians is that you get a better tan at the sea. Lake tans just aren't as deep. And that's really important.
I've had at least half a dozen Italians tell me that just in the past week. It is the first week of September, after all, when Italians show off the deep tans they got on their August holidays, tans that would rival any mahogany furniture showroom on this planet.
A couple women asked me if I had gotten my tan at the lake.
Yeah.
But you can't get as good a tan at the lake.
Really? If I go to the sea near Rome, like 45 minutes from here, I'll get a better tan?
Yeah, you will.
I'll just have to suffer then.
Because the lake here is just so nice.
The water's so much cleaner than the sea around here.
It's flat as a pancake in the morning; waves come up in the afternoon.
For me, it's beautiful swimming. Among the windsurfers and catamarans.
And ducks.
No motorboats allowed.
But hell, what do I know?
George Clooney agrees with me, for chrissakes. He's got a house on Lake Como, up north. And Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married at a lakeside castle in central Italy.
Yeah, but, what do they know either?
Italians value the beach more than almost anything else.
You must go to the sea in August.
Or you are really in a bad way.
You only go to the lake for lunch, preferably in the spring and fall. And early summer. There are rules to be followed.
My cousin and his family came out to the lake for dinner a few weeks ago. My cousin's wife looked at me sadly at one point and asked, "but do you just go to the lake to swim?"
Yeah, actually.
I thought she might cry.