The Italians are Right

The Italians may be right after all. (funny that).
Maybe I'm not that well. Maybe that is why I've wanted to be alone. To try to make sense of things. Although it hasn't worked that well, I guess.
Just apprehensive about the future now -- like I never really was before. It's that no road map, no clear idea of where me -- or my family -- is headed any more.
That feeling of being on a flying carpet that never lands can reappear at any moment, when I least expect it, like an Italian traffic jam.
Is it just my age, the empty-nester, mid-fifties, what do you really do with yourself when you're done raising kids problem? I thought I had done with that, but it comes back, I've found.
Is it my newfound, not that satisfying, state of unemployment? And the money worries that go with it? Not used to that. Been working a long time.
Is it the shitty global economy, which has narrowed my options (like everybody's, I know), and scared the hell out of me for my son, who just graduated from college? We've still heard nothing definitive from his Milan interview -- they tell us to have patience, it could still come through -- but right about dawn, I can really start wondering about that. It's been months with no resolution.
I feel bad that we're not in Washington anymore, that he can't just come live at home, our old spacious home, the one we're lucky to have sold, with his own bedroom, closets galore -- and American basement. Near where his friends live. With enough room for us all to breathe -- and live together too.
We're thinking he's going to come and stay with us in London now, but that scares me, although there's nothing more I want than to have my boys nearby. Does that make any sense?
There's not much room there -- I have to clear out a closet somehow to make room for his stuff. Not that he has much stuff. But even the little he has.
He doesn't know a soul there. I know the young'uns are much better at meeting people, but I've hardly met anyone, so is that the best situation for him too? It's been hard enough for me.
And the British economy is in dire straits, no matter how many stories you read about "green shoots." It's a bunch of crap, if you ask me. I'm no economist, but I see more unemployment -- and more misery -- coming there. And nobody quite does misery like Britain, especially in the winter. (It's the rain and the really expensive everything).
And in Britain, you don't pick up a decent job being a waiter or somesuch, like my son has done in the past in the States to fund his life. Being a waiter is not a decent job there. No money.
There's "The City," of course -- the financial section of London that used to have plenty of good jobs with great salaries and good prospects. That's what's collapsed actually, and caused a huge ripple effect throughout the British economy. And my son is a Finance major.
He could come here, of course, to Italy. We've got plenty of room here for his stuff -- and he would like to end up in Italy for awhile. Hence the Milan job hunt. But if that doesn't come through, there just isn't much in Italy, let's be serious.
As an expat friend of mine said on the phone to me the other day, "he's coming HERE (from the States, she meant) to look for a job?". Silence from me. She was right, of course. What are we thinking?
I guess that's where the rubber meets the road for me now -- right about dawn.
Isn't the States the best place for this family to be again? Do we really have time to waffle around trying to make this European experiment work? Shouldn't we just cut our losses sooner rather than later?
Almost everyone at my old newspaper who took the early retirement buy-out seems to have found another job, from what I can tell.
And isn't the U.S. the place where my son needs to launch his career, since he's American and all, and just graduated with an American degree?
But then my British husband is the only one employed at the moment. And his company just transferred him to London (at our request). He certainly can't ask for anything else for awhile.
And I have found a bit of work in London.
And it would be great if it could work out for my son in Europe for awhile. He would like that. And ultimately it would be good for him -- and his career.
But will it work? Who knows? Could easily not. So many people are having dreams quashed all over the world at the moment.
I try to be optimistic -- just think positive. It's not easy though.
Sometimes I feel as trapped as a bee squirming around inside one of those glass pens beekeepers use.