Creature of Habit?

     I never thought of myself as a creature of habit. That's a term for old, stuck-in-their ways people, right?

     I was adventurous, always trying new things, always moving, landing new jobs -- a dynamic woman of the world.

     Wrong. I'm actually a big creature of habit, who just happens to have no habits at the moment. No wonder I'm slowly going insane. (Or even quite quickly, depending on your time frame). Maybe we're all just creatures of habit.     

      I'm trying desperately to make some habits here, I can see that. I've got my cappuccino-and-afternoon-paper habit down pretty well. Yep, always go to the same place even though there are lots of different places to have cappuccino on my high street. Often order the same thing.  

      I mean, I found a decent cappuccino in a place I like to while away an hour or so. So why screw with a winning formula?

      In the morning, I've got you to write you, thank God. Without you, I'd already be insane, trust me. 

      My husband always works different schedules, so we haven't really established any set patterns together here either. This week, he's on the late shift, so he goes to work late and comes home late. Next week, he's on the early shift. So he'll go to work early and come home early. This week, evenings alone at home. Next week, dinner together.

      Of course, the real habit I'm missing is the old go-to-work habit. That's the king of all habits that makes all the other habits just fall into line, isn't it? Once you've got the king habit, you don't have to worry that much about any others. They just kneel into place around the king. 

      I thought I was just about to anoint the king actually. I didn't want to mention this, but what the hell? I've told you so much already.  

      I applied for a job here a few weeks ago and thought I had a pretty good chance of getting it. In fact, I had already talked myself into working there.

     You know how that goes? All geared up for my new job and all. I mean, they were the ones who told me about it. So I thought I was pretty much in.

      Wrong again. Didn't get it. They called me in Charleston last week to tell me they were giving it to an internal candidate. 

      I tried hard not to let the call ruin more than one-half of one day with my boys. I mean, I hadn't seen them in months. Can you let The Man ruin that? You'll have to ask my boys how successful I was. 

      So, back to scrounging around for habits here. Or beating myself up that I need them.  

      I've decided that the reason I feel worse in London than anywhere else has nothing to do with this town, but is precisely because of the habit thing. This is where I live now -- and so I'm supposed to have some habits here, some life, some routine. 

     When I'm in Italy -- or in the States now -- I don't need any habits, because I'm there temporarily, on vacation, so the pressure is off.

     I'm trying not to run off to Italy immediately. I'm trying to stay here and be a good girl, a good wife, make some habits, get a life going, keep looking for work, keep trying.  

     I'm sick of being a good girl though. And I'm sick of my non-life life.  

     Got any stray habits you could loan me for awhile?